Friday, October 26, 2012

Season 2 Final Weigh In: And the winner is no surprise

There it is, the prize.  Only one proud soul will get to down such a yummy platter at no cost.  His name is:

Craig Mallon

I'd like to tell you that we gave Craig a challenge this week, but that just isn't really true.  As a true champion, Craig did not take his foot off the gas.  The truth is, Craig brought it hard every week but one.  And there is always a bounce back week somewhere.  You'll have to ask him what he did, I have no clue.  All I know is this, he kicked the ever living shit out of every single one of us.  Good for him, couldn't think of someone who deserves it more.

Now that we are done going down on Craig, let's see the final standings:

1. Craig Mallon  SW: 163.0     FW: 144.5        CH:  -11.85 %    LOST:  18.5 lbs
2. Matt Morgan  SW: 196.4    FW: 181.0         CH: -8.09 %       LOST:  15.4 lbs
3. Laura Baird    SW: 155.4    FW: 143.8         CH: -7.69 %       LOST:  11.6 lbs
4. Scott Wyler    SW: 237.8    FW: 225.0         CH: -5.48 %       LOST:  12.8 lbs
5. Della Wyler    SW: 139.2    FW: 135.0         CH: -3.04 %       LOST:  4.2 lbs
6. Shawn Zollo   SW: 141.0    FW: 137.0         CH: -2.84 %       LOST:  4.0 lbs

Wow!  Great job everyone.  That is a total weight loss of:  66.5 lbs

Let's take a look at some other stats stats:


I added the Body Mass Index (BMI) measure to our tracking this contest at the request of Scott.  I have long since felt that the BMI was a very flawed measurement.  Now that I am in the GREEN (Normal weight), I still feel the same way.  That said, I'm sure it is better to be in the GREEN than the ORANGE or RED.

At the beginning of our little contest we had the following:


Today, the numbers are much improved:


Talk about turning the scales on BMI.  I can tell you that Shawn is only 1 lb away from GREEN.  We almost went 5 GREEN and 1 ORANGE.  And, our ORANGE started as a RED.  Here are the changes in BMI for each fatty:

Additional Notes:

- Big comeback week for Della.  Posted he best week in the final week.  Keep it up Della, looks like you have found your stride.
- Shawn turned around, what looked like real mess a few weeks ago.  Keep up the hard work.
- Only 1 contestant lost weight every week (Scott is omitted from this stat until he weighs in).  That person is also super handsome.  (crickets)  It's me assholes.
- Not surprising, our 2 lowest weight loss contestants also had the most number of weight gain weeks at 2.
- Shawn distanced herself from the win with a double whammy of back to back weight gain, shortly before righting the ship down the stretch.
- Other than week 1, Craig held the lead the whole contest.
- MEN completely crushed the WOMEN:  25.43%  - 13.57%
- Laura holds the best BMI at 22.52.  Scott holds the worst at 28.89.
- Craig, not surprisingly, lowered his BMI the most:  -3.08

I don't think it is overstating one bit to say that we, well me, since it was my fucking idea....I CURED OBESITY.  STFU about the small sample size...I DID IT!  I'm a HERO....still.

Until we all gain the weight back in the next 3 months and need to do yet another weight loss contest.....EAT MORE BACON.  Della...this is for you too.

UGLY FEET:  In order of this week's awesome quotient

Craig:  144.5 (-4 lbs)  Overall: 11.86 %

Della:  135 (-2.0 lbs) Overall: -3.04%

Matt:  181 (-2.0 lbs) Overall:  -8.09%

Shawn:  137 (-1.5 lbs) Overall:  -2.84%

 Laura:  143.8 (-0.8 lbs) Overall:  -7.69%

 Scott:  Forgot to weigh in.  Will send tonight.  Estimates no change.


Monday, October 22, 2012

Week 6 weigh in: Crushing it into the final week

Wow!  People were just crushing it this week.  As we hit the final week of this contest, the leader has again distanced himself from the competition.  Laura is coming on strong and taking over 2nd place.  Shawn stopped her slide and Scott lost weight despite going on a trip and fatting down wings all weekend.

In other news, Della is making a claim to the "Actual Biggest Loser" title.  Shawn looked to be the favorite as recent as last week, but then Della said:

"Screw Shawn, I can eat more donuts than that skinny bitch!"  (this quote sponsored by Dunkin Donuts)

Observations from the week:

Craig - Vomiting on Saturday night might have been a plus and not the minus we all thought at the time.  Stay classy!
Laura - This walking fast shit apparently works.
Me - Still awesome!
Scott - Don't go on trips during weight loss competitions.
Shawn - Do go on trips to Laura's house during weight loss competitions.
Della - (crickets)

And now, once again, the ugliest feet in Florida.  In order of awesome quotient.  The weight, not the feet.

Laura - 144.6 (-3.0 lbs) Overall: -7.14%

Craig - 148.5 (- 3.0 lbs) Overall: -9.0%

Shawn - 138.5 (-1.5 lbs) Overall:  -1.76%

Matt - 183 (-1.8 lbs)  Overall: -7.0%

Scott - 225 (-0.8 lbs)  Overall:  -5.48%

Della - 137 (+0.2 lbs)  Overall:  -1.58%

This contest ends FRIDAY!

If you don't want to be heckled at the award dinner, you'll need to suck it up and stop being such sissies.  


Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Week 5 weigh in: Uh Oh


Uncontrolled weight gain in the Mallon/Zollo household.  

You would think that having a spouse participate in the same competition would provide support and encouragement.  It sounds like the type of environment that would allow both parties to succeed.  YOU WOULD BE WRONG!

Brutal week for those guys.  Time to re-focus!

It really is a tale of two households this week.  Scott crushed it this week...absolutely crushed it.    Big change for a guy that started the competition by fatting down hot wings all Sunday long

And if that wasn't enough, someone told Della she was in a weight loss competition.

With Craig's slide this week, we really have a good competition for the stretch run.  If Scott can keep this up, he CLEARLY has the MOST FAT to LOSE.  But, hot wings are good.  Bacon is good.  Ask Shawn and Craig.

MEN vs WOMEN contest update:  Mercy rule, women lose.

On to the pictures of the ugliest feet in Florida, still in order of weekly AWESOME/TERRIBLE depending on whether or not you crapped all over yourself and gained weight.


Scott - 225.8 (-5.2 lbs) Overall -5.13%

Della - 136.8 (-1.2 lbs) Overall -1.73 

Matt - 184.8 (-1.2 lbs) Overall -6.03


Laura - 147.6 (0.0 lbs) Overall -5.11


Craig - 151.5 (+1.0 lbs) Overall -7.19%

Shawn - 140 (+2.0 lbs) Overall -0.69%

 Final Note

Della should send Shawn a fruit basket or bacon basket to say thanks for ending her awesome streak in the cellar of this competition.  How did we not make a rule for the actual biggest loser?  These two will be fighting it out for last place down the stretch.

Current Standings (2 weigh in's to go)

1. Craig (7.09) 
2. Matt (6.03)
3. Scott (5.13)
4. Laura (5.11)
5. Della (1.73)
6. Shawn (0.69)

On to the grid.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Week 3 weigh in: Power Rankings and some shocking results

Simply performing at a level that is clearly above everyone else.

Craig 153 (-6.0 lbs) Overall -6.22%

Holy crap!  What a week!  After being tied for 2nd, Craig decided to have an eff you guys week and dropped 6 lbs.  Safe to say that right now, Craig is in his own tier for the power rankings.

These guys are steady performers that will be in contention week in and week out.

Laura 148.8 (-2.8 lbs) Overall -4.3%

Matt 188.8 (-2.2 lbs) Overall -3.9%

Not ready to contend, but with one big week, they could become instant contenders.

Shawn 137.5 (-1.5 lbs) Overall -2.5%

Scott 232.4 (-3.4 lbs) Overall -2.28%

I feel like this tier is pretty clear.  It's for people who forgot they were in a weight lose competition.

Della turned in a real stinker this week.  So that we stay encouraging and not point out to Della, in front of everyone, how truly awful her performance was, here are some tips:

  1. Don't eat Donuts.  I thought this was clear.
  2. If you eat ice cream alone in a dark closet with a fork, it still has the same number of calories.
  3. Each week when I sign off with EAT MORE BACON...probably don't actually try to eat more bacon...especially at this point.
  4. When you add a bucket of fried chicken to your side salad with light might be missing something....but it certainly isn't calories.
  5. Milk those things before you weigh in next time.

Della 138.6 (+0.4 lbs) Overall -0.43% 

Now, back to my hangover.  Hail to the Redskins!

Until next week, EAT MORE BACON (**Not you Della....seriously)

***Note:  The women are getting their asses handed to them.  I'm just too big of a gentleman to rub your noses in it.  Craig is almost beating the women by himself.  If we could only pinpoint the weakness on the ladies team...if only.

The Grid

Monday, September 24, 2012

Week 2 weigh in: Nothing to see here

Well, well, well, the more things change, the more they just stay the same.

In order of total awesomeness:  Current Weight (lost this week)

Matt: 191 (-5.3)
Craig: 159 (-4.0)

Laura: 151.6 (-3.8)
Shawn: 139 (-2.0)
Scott:  235.8 (-2.0)
Della:  138.2 (-1.0)

I'm sure you are all shocked to see me at the top of the list.  Least surprising thing since the Redskins losing a winnable game yesterday.  I'm pretty impressed though, everyone lost weight this week.  It's a good start if nothing else.

If I was handicapping this, I'd put my money on Scott as the person with the highest upside (read: obesity) to win this contest.  That said, he spent yesterday fatting down some wings and pizza.  I keep hearing about a "boot camp", we'll see.

I'll be honest, until you people start doing something to impress me, I don't have a lot to say.


"I'm starting boot camp tomorrow.  You's are all in trouble!"

TIP OF THE WEEK:  Try being less fat!

Until next week, EAT MORE BACON!

On to the grid:  Results

Monday, September 17, 2012

Season 2: We are getting the band back together again

UPDATE 2:  Yet another fatty fat fat to join the club.

UPDATE 1:  Another sad fat contestant has agreed to participate.

It's been a delightful few months since our final weigh in back in April.  So delightful, in fact, that we now need to have another weight loss competition.  Mmmmmm donuts.

Any way, this season we are adding two additional contestants, mostly because they have no self control either and we feel sorry for them.  Just don't tell them that we said that. (wink, wink)

The rules:

  1. Try to be less fat, I guess that is a suggestion, not a rule
  2. Contest runs from Monday September 17, 2012 to October 26, 2012.  This is to avoid the death march situation experienced this past winter.
  3. If you are not first, you are last.
  4. Winner is the person who loses the highest percentage of their initial weigh in weight.  
  5. If the WINNER still looks fat after their victory, the other 3 competitors can vote to not allow the WINNER to eat his/her burger.  Just kidding'll get your burger...calm down.
  6. Weigh in must occur at wake up on Monday and be text'd to all competitors.
The prize:

Since there are girls involved we can't do the best prize ever invented, 5 random slaps whenever you want them for life.  The winner of this competition will be treated to a delicious burger at Burger 21 in Westchase. Following the burger, each LOSER will buy said WINNER a beer of his/her choice at World of Beers in Westchase.  

Question from the peanut gallery: "But Laura, lives 3 hours away.  How is she going to pay up or collect her prize?"

Answer from the asshole: "How in the hell should I know.  You sure are expecting a lot from someone who has a blog with the laziest title of all time."

On to the initial weigh in:

Weight (change):  196.4 (0.0)

Weight (change):  141 (0.0)

Weight (change):  155.4 (0.0)

Craig (Male)
Weight (change): 163 (0.0)  

Della (NEW)
Weight (change): 139.2 (0.0)  

Scott (NEW)
Weight (change):  (0.0) - Just kidding Scott, you are skinny   237.8

The grid will debut next week since today it would be utterly fucking pointless.

Until next week....EAT MORE BACON!

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Final Weigh In: Happy Easter!

Evil Easter Bunny says "Good luck not turning back into fatties!"

How do I write a post that truly wraps up this glorious competition?  Like I'm a writer, how the hell do I know.  Why don't we step back in time and take a look at the 2 fatties that were competing pre-competition.

Back on January 6th, when we got under way, Shawn weighed a robust 141.  Not good.  Fatty Matty nearly broke the scale at 216.4.  It was time to make some changes.  Here comes a tangent:

A week before we decided to do this competition, Fatty Matty drove to CVS and purchased, not 1 pack of Biscoff cookies, but 2.  As seen below:

I finished both packages in 24 hours, probably less than that, but let's round up so it is less sad.  Anyway, its not difficult to figure out how Fatty Matty got to be fat.

Needless to say, we both needed to drop a few pounds and change our lifestyles.  Here is a before pic of the two of us prior to the competition:

We were really more fat than we look.  Should've done some highly embarrassing before pics.  Next time...

Take a look at our initial weigh in pics:

Matt (216.4)

Shawn (141)

Even our feet look fat!

Well, I'm happy to say, we made it.  Neither party quit for even a second.  We both had our good weeks and bad weeks.  Here are some stats, ignoring the final week just to make you read this whole diatribe:


Best Week: Week 4, 5.2 lbs LOST, 2.46 % LOST
Worst Week: Week 3, 1.4 lbs GAINED, 0.67 % GAINED


Best Week: Week 10, 4 lbs LOST, 3 % LOST(Amazing)
Worst Week:  Week 9, 2 lbs GAINED, 1.52 % GAINED

So, who won?

Final Weigh In:

Matt: 184.6 (-7.6 lbs)

Shawn: 128 (-0.5 lbs)

Final Grid:

WeightPercentage LostWeightPercentage Lost
Total % Loss9.5715.72
Total lbs lost1331.8

Congrats to Shawn, can't wait to eat some crappy food with you on Tuesday!  Your treat of course. :)